>Hello Joe, at "alt.sexual.abuse.recovery.moderated" someone has made the
>following
>suggestion: I should try writing a story in which I meet Vantu, and sit down,
>talk.
>I should forget about sex, not because it's wrong or it's not a part of
>what's
>going on between Vantu and me, but just because jumping to this fantasy
>short-circuits
>the process and prevents important parts of it from happening. I have to
>communicative with
>Vantu in order to reach across the fracture lines of a broken self, a process
>that may go on
>for weeks, months, and years. People here have explained to me that there is
>no legal or ethical
>problem in writing fan-fiction for non-commercial purposes, which this is
>going to be and yet
>I am reluctant into doing so. You are one of the Hired Guns who have fathered
>Vantu;
>all I need from you is your blessing to use him into doing something good; he
>could be the
>greatest ally and teacher I ever had and I might discover that I have a thing
>or two to teach
>him as well. What a cool partnership it could be.

This is going to be a very hard thing for you to hear from me, but it has to be
said.

I cannot give you "permission" on anything like this because there is no
permission for me to give. We can do or say or write anything we want, I don't
have control over your life. This is why I didn't give you "permission" to
read my novel, because that permission is not mine to give.

Second, and most importantly, I cannot give you permission concerning a
fictional character.

There is no Vantu. I did not birth anyone or anything. It is as fictional a
creation as Santa or the Easter Bunny.

I need you to listen to me very carefully: you are fixated on a fictional
character and letting that drive your life. You must, must, must seek
professional help. You won't find it in the news groups, even the
well-intended ones, because what you are going through -- delusional behavior
-- is only really treatable by medicine. I've been down this road with other
people, I know what I'm saying...and if you put stock in what I say, then you
have to put stock in this as well.

I wrote some cool stuff for the character of Vantu, but there's one big
difference between him, and you: you're real. "Vantu" isn't. We picked the
name Vantu because it was close in sound to Vishnu. That's it. That's as deep
as it goes. There is no "there" there.

If, as you say, my words have had meaning to you, then take these to heart:
tomorrow, not the day after, but tomorrow, go to a local clinic and find
someone to talk to about this. Show them this email, if you have to. Explain
the whole situatoin to them, they'll listen.

The thoughts you have about all this can be moderated and helped chemically,
because there is an imbalance at work that is making you believe in something
that does not exist, and that someone halfway around the globe has to give you
permission to do things that people do every day, otherwise you can't do them.

If you want the darkness to go away, you have to move away from it and into the
light you always quote in your sigs...but that light can't be found here. It
will only be found in the office of a caring physician who can help you find
your way back to where the rest of the world is waiting for your return.

This will be my last message to you until and unless you can confirm that
you've done this. I don't think it's healthy for you otherwise.


jms

(jmsatb5@aol.com)
(all message content (c) 2004 by synthetic worlds, ltd.,
permission to reprint specifically denied to SFX Magazine
and don't send me story ideas)