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by J. Michael Straczynski (JMS).

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 Message
    From: jmsatb5@aol.com
 Subject: Re: Joe and Harlan at the Movies
      To: rec.arts.sf.tv.babylon5.moderated  
    Date: 12/26/2005 4:46:58 PM  

Message 1 in thread 

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Keith Cramer wrote:
> Joe,
>
> Harlan sent me. Well, Harlan sent everyone, really. There has been a
> thread over on Webderland recently of rude movie behavior, and Harlan
> popped in and said the following:
>
> "Some day, when I get up the proper mind-set to retell the tales, I'll
> ensorcel you with the two best "shutting up people who talk in movies"
> stories in my repertoire of intentional, over-the-top violence in public
> places. Until that time, if you want to enjoy one of those two tales (told
> not nearly as well as I do it) you can go find Joe Straczynski's website
> and ask him. He was part of the brouhaha and is one-third of my living
> proof that I don't make this shit up.
>
> Ta-ta, kiddies. -he"
>
> Keith again. And of couse rampant speculation ensued, and the thread
> continued. A day or two later, Harlan posted this:
>
>
> "MOVIE THEATER AUDIENCE BABBLE REDUX
>
> ANDREW LAUBACHER:
>
> The essay that included the anecdote about the guy yelling at "Leroy" in a
> NYC movie theater years ago was a section of the piece titled "The 3 Most
> Important Things in Life" and, yes, it IS a terrifying, marvelous story,
> available in my book.
>
> You're right.
>
> But you're wrong.
>
> The two experiences to which I obliquely refer are two I've never
> published. They happened TO ME, as opposed to the one you know, at which I
> was merely a huddled, terrified observer.
>
> No, the two most interesting SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I'LL KILL YOU!!
> stories of my own personal experience remain shrouded in silence. But, as I
> suggested, you can always go over to Joe Straczynski's gabfest and tell him
> Harlan sent you. I haven't busted Joe's chops soundly since the last time
> we had dinner, all four of us, and I sorta miss the pleasant hiss of steam
> coming outta his ears.
>
> Yr. pal, Harlan"
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Keith again:
>
> So, if you are kindly disposed to recall the tale in question, I'm sure all
> will be amused. If you post it here, I'll copy and paste it over on
> Webderland, verbatim.
>
> Thanks for your consideration. And thanks for B5.
>
> -Keith Cramer

The problem is...just to tell it *verbally* takes nearly 20 minutes,
it's not something you can sum up in a few paragraphs. It would be a
fifteen page essay, because it covered a lot of time and permutations.

So my suggestion is that somebody at a convention ask this, so it'll
get voice recorded, and can be made available for anyone who wants to
transcribe it or upload the mp3.

jms
    From: jmsatb5@aol.com
 Subject: Re: Joe and Harlan at the Movies
      To: rec.arts.sf.tv.babylon5.moderated  
    Date: 12/26/2005 10:00:55 PM  

Message 2 in thread 

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Joseph DeMartino wrote:
> jmsatb5@aol.com wrote:
>
> > So my suggestion is that somebody at a convention ask this, so it'll
> > get voice recorded, and can be made available for anyone who wants to
> > transcribe it or upload the mp3.
> >
> > jms
>
> The next item for the Joe's Store at CafePress - CD recordings of your
> various convention appearances. I've never had the opportunity to see
> you at a con and I would happily pay for the chance to hear what I've
> been missing
>
> Regards,
>
> Joe

Hold a tin drum up to your ear and bang on it as hard as you can for
about twenty minutes. The experience is very much the same.

jms
    From: jmsatb5@aol.com
 Subject: Re: Joe and Harlan at the Movies
      To: rec.arts.sf.tv.babylon5.moderated  
    Date: 12/27/2005 9:50:03 PM  

Message 3 in thread 

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sftv wrote:
> jmsatb5@aol.com wrote:
>
> > The problem is...just to tell it *verbally* takes nearly 20 minutes,
> > it's not something you can sum up in a few paragraphs. It would be a
> > fifteen page essay, because it covered a lot of time and permutations.
> >
> > So my suggestion is that somebody at a convention ask this, so it'll
> > get voice recorded, and can be made available for anyone who wants to
> > transcribe it or upload the mp3.
> >
> > jms
> >
>
> Hmm... Maybe a special event at the Nebula Awards weekend? I'll make
> sure we have video cameras running!
>
> Lee Whiteside

And someone standing by with a restraining order.

jms
    From: jmsatb5@aol.com
 Subject: Re: Joe and Harlan at the Movies
      To: rec.arts.sf.tv.babylon5.moderated  
    Date: 12/27/2005 9:51:54 PM  

Message 4 in thread 

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Bill wrote:
> >Hold a tin drum up to your ear and bang on it as hard as you can for
> >about twenty minutes. The experience is very much the same.
> >
> >jms
>
> Very funny, but not exactly accurate. I saw you at Wizard World Philly
> for the first time and I thought you were a fantastic speaker.
>
> Bill (the idiot who forgot his own name while asking you for an
> autograph)

Don't feel bad about it, happens all the time. Sometime at a
convention somebody ask me about the time I ran into Kirk Douglas for
the first time if you want to hear awkward.

Funnily, when I'm signing autographs I'll ask, "To whom should I make
this?" in hopes of a name and the person in line will say, "Me."

jms
    From: jmsatb5@aol.com
 Subject: Re: Joe and Harlan at the Movies
      To: rec.arts.sf.tv.babylon5.moderated  
    Date: 12/27/2005 9:55:05 PM  

Message 5 in thread 

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Jon Schild wrote:

> > Hold a tin drum up to your ear and bang on it as hard as you can for
> > about twenty minutes. The experience is very much the same.
> >
> > jms
> >
> >
> You are being much too modest, a characteristic not often attributed to
> writers. I have seen you in person at two worldcons, San Fransisco when
> you showed a couple of unfinished episodes of Babylon 5 before they were
> broadcast, and later in Los Angeles where you had the largest room
> available, but many of us attended the sessions before yours in that
> room just to guarantee a seat. I would love to have everything you said
> at those two available either on CD or in print. I must assume I would
> feel the same about the sessions I did not hear.

I'm somewhere in the middle of the road on this whole issue, actually.
Sometimes I'm okay, sometimes I just suck, and I do talk way too fast,
even for somebody from Jersey. Which is a trait of nervousness,
because I've never really been big on public speaking. It's something
that I've *learned* to do, but I've never been *comfortable* doing.

Interestingly, to your point, Shane Shellenbarger has been videotaping
just about every major (and some minor) convention appearance I've ever
made (the unlucky bastard, I'm guessing he lost a bar bet). That
should be quite a document, if only to use a series of dissolves to
trace the diminuation of the hairline....

jms

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