How You Know You're Finally Going Bananas, by JMS.

So there I was, lying abed, at 3 a.m., unable to sleep, and I come up
with the Fart Classification System (FCS). Basically, they break down into
three categories: small farts are squibs, medium farts are crackers, and
really huge farts are zeppelins.

I desperately need to get a life....

jms